Saturday, August 23, 2014

Real Excuses Used To Miss Work

My hamster died, my cat unplugged the alarm clock, my monkey died, my fish is sick and I've been bitten by an insect. Believe it or not, these are real excuses reported by employers or employees in a survey about reasons for being late or calling in sick to work.

With some of the reasons quoted for missing work, I'm sure the boss must want to say “TMI” (too much information) when the excuses are:

-Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night.
-I injured myself during sex.
-My new girlfriend bit me in a delicate place.
-I drank too much and fell asleep on someone's floor-I don't know where I am.

Some excuses seem so stupid, as a boss, I would think the employee was joking.
-I couldn't find my shoes.
-I forgot what day it was.
-I forgot I was hired for the job.

Maybe the employee is The Witness Protection Program.
-My grandmother's body is being exhumed for a police investigation.
-A hit-man was looking for me.
-I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity.

I'm fortunate to work with a great group of ladies at an early education center, but as the boss, I've heard a few interesting excuses over the years. My all time favorite was an employee that wanted to leave work early so she could...

wait for it...

-Wash her husband's underwear.

What? Does he only have one pair? Does it take all day to wash them down by the creek on the rock? I was going to send her husband underwear in the mail. You know, to make sure I never heard this excuse again, but then I figured she'd miss work because she'd be following him around all day to find out why, and who, sent him underwear.

I know none of you would make up crazy excuses to miss work, but if you've heard other dumb reasons for missing work please shout them out and share. Also, I'd love it if you'd take the time to check out my website, and my books. I have something for everyone murder mystery and paranormal novels, and for children picture books, chapter books and puzzle books. Thanks, Victoria Roder 


Liz Fountain said...

I don't have any such weirdly great excuses from my time as a boss (and certainly, ahem, never used one for myself, ahem).

But I had two employees who were allergic to Monday mornings. Different excuses each time: they were ill, the dog needed to go to the vet, dentist appointment, power out in the condo (only theirs?), car wouldn't start, etc. Always on Monday mornings, always meaning they wouldn't arrive until noon (or later).

In a way, they inspired a scene in my novel that came out in June, You Jane - in which Jane cannot get herself to work on time.

Drinking might have had something to do with them both. :-)


Anonymous said...

Funny post. Each excuse warrants its own story. "My monkey died" - what a treasure.

Rate Your Boss said...

Such funny and dumb excuses. Employees that are fond of making excuses at work are lazy and irresponsible.

Kara Lynn Russell said...

Great post Vickie!

Julie Eberhart Painter said...

Drinking might have had a lot to do with it!

Watch out for “I had to walk my iguana,” and “My pet lemur ate my Juicy Fruit gum and got a tummy ache.” You heard it here -- honest.

Victoria Roder said...

Sometimes you have to shake your head and question if the person can hear how stupid the excuse sounds.